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feeeling the draining sensation again… overcomed by this heavy weight that is pulling me down.
I am so tired to even make the effort to just flip over when I am just lying down… when I wake up in the morning, i do not even have the energy to give myself the extra boost of energy to prop my body up.
I can only snuggle back into my covers and try not to think that today is a work day…
Not sure why is this so, since events is my passion. I still enjoy the events part of it, but I guess week after week of events is not an easy load to take. Especially so when every client is exceptionally demanding. I put on some weight roughly about 2 weeks ago to 46kg and after the last 2 weeks of events, I am back to being a 42 – 43kg weight. AND ITS NOT AS IF I DUN EAT!
god.. not sure if this is healthy or not man…
Is this even normal? or am i just some whiny bitch who cannot take the workload? Sigh~
brain dead… energy-less.. red bull dun even work.
Not sure why, so have just lumped it to the fact that I am having PMS, I am basically having major mood swings recently daily. Which is so unusual, because I don’t normally go into such swings…
Might be the stress in work… so scared to just fail in whatever projects that I am heading. When I look at the time line, I feel the pressure. fucked..
5 projects all happening in 1 month. 4 weeks.
3 all happening this coming week… confirmation for the next 2 in this coming week too.
feel like going crazy..
there is this intense pressure to be on the ball for all the projects…
Looking at this month. I think, if i manage to pull it through, I should be able to handle any projects from then on. lol~ jiayou xiaomin!
just praying that my mood swings would disappear soon and I would be able to return to my normal bubbly self…
somehow you realised that as you grow older, moments of heartaches increases… when you realise that all you can do is to just stand by and see life pass by you, helpless to anything that is happening…
I remembered I quoted a movie that had something saying about “when you ask God for something, maybe all he gives you is a chance to grab on to that”
I don’t recall asking God for anything recently, but all I know is that what I need now is the ability to still hope and stay cheerful in the midst of all these events that is happening around me.
They say office politics is really annoying and at times bring your spirits down. I realise that even when your office is like a family, everything seems to hurt more. When you care that much about people that you can’t bear to see them hurting inside and yet still keeping it in.
Had a great time yesterday watching Heartbreak Kid. Not so much because of the storyline, but more so because of the amazing scenery.
Beautiful beaches, amazingly blue skies. 
Ended the night being driven home by the night rider bus driver, who out of good will gave me a ride home on the bus because I miss my stop. LOL~
First ever encounter and filled with encounters with kind souls.
Headed over to Little India earlier on in the evening with my Boss, Vincent and Big Sister, Joscilin.
Had a ball of a time trying to find a sari top for our beloved Emcee. Met some really nice Indian folks who taught us how to choose the sari vest, and many things more. Enjoyed ourselves even more when Vincent brought us to this amazing nasi brani stall which served really nice food! l
LoL~ and what was more interesting was that the counter looks amazing like that M1 advertisment when the man said “Mumbai LA! Mumbai” and i think it was!
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Sometimes though you understand for a fact that what happens happens for a reason, one can’t help but ask Why?
Just found out that my friend’s mom’s cancer came back. Then read about the recent cambodia dragon boating incident. My heart skipped a beat. You can really just lose your loved ones just in that instant.
She is really the nicest person ever I have met. Can’t help but ask the being over head why is this happening and the same time makes me want to believe, cause I want to pray for her recovery. To be able to witness a miracle.
Though it has nothing to do with me, somehow there is just this ache in my heart. To think people can just go make a fuss out of nothing when there are greater forces out there than just yourself.
Both of us cried.. to think of something happening to someone so dear to us. Life goes on, but somehow I realise that I do not know how to console people. All I can say is that I will try to be there, to bring a smile into your life when the light seems to be so dim. That I can sit there and listen to you cry your heart out or even make silly jokes so as to make you laugh.
So many thoughts in my mind now. Maybe one should learn to appreciate his/her life instead of complaining about little things all the time. To be able to look at other people suffering and understand that despite all the things we complain about are just but little things as compared to what others are going through. To understand that the world do not just consist of you and you ONLY.
Bin always told me not to wallow in self pity. To think how your life sucks and no one loves you etc. If you love yourself pick yourself out of that mood. If you do not know how to love yourself, you will never know how to love others. Amazes me how some people have the ability to make you go on a guilt trip or like make out their life to be so pathetic.
Why can’t they just stand up and move on? Deal with the things that God gave you and live with it.. Understand that many a times what you think are suffering is only one tenth of what others are facing and yet many are so much stronger and so much happier.
Someone told me “if someone really wants to die, he/she will always die”. It is so true. Maybe at times life feels so horrible that you can not stand living. Maybe at times the road is so dark ahead that you can’t even be bothered to guess what is ahead. Maybe I do not understand how one is able to just take his/her life away just like that, when so many out there are struggling to make things work and to just survive another day.
Cannot comprehend how one even contemplates such thoughts.
Told jin before that I will never commit suicide. Reason being is that I want to see what my kids look like, to see who is my husband, to see what is ahead, to slowly witness the unravellings of my future. To live life to the fullest.
I do not know what title up there. Because so many things are happening right now. So it shall just remain as “untittled”
Almost everyday, when I reach the office it feels almost as if we are fighting a war. At the end of the day, all I feel is this overwhelming sense of exhaustion, aching back, mental exhuastion…
Just heard from one my colleague that another colleague might be leaving. Felt this overwhelming urge to cry, and also this sense of concern for her. Wondering what can happen that might lead to this decision.
Although it has only been what, 2 mths plus. I have never felt so happy at any other place before, when you reach this kind of stage, one rarely wants anything to change. Its all about the balance. She is such a nice and capable person that I do not think anyone can actually replace her.
Probably when people chance upon my blog they might actually say how this is life. I know that, but somehow my morale just fell. Can’t help but feel sad, Citrus is like a family to me and I do not wish anything to change.
Coupled with losing of several projects to some “*^(*@#&^$”. Starting to feel that bit of stress to actually land projects and also more clients. To land big projects so that we can help our boss meet our quota.
*tired*
Time seems to have flown pass. Think I have been on the job for a month plus or so. However, I am still enjoying everyday, every minute of my work. Loving my office, my colleagues, clients and HAM & CHEESE! LOL!
such cute fat creatures.. round butts! Should take a photo with my colleagues soon so that I can let u see what are they like, but think at the moment all of us are so bugged down with eye bags that I can readily bet that if I whipped out my camera everyone will duck! Or at least try to hit me with something.
Speaking of which, i do think interest can carry a person very far. Look at bin. If she ever goes into Photojourn, I bet she will fare absolutely well.. Same as many others… Its when your eyes light up, and when you are talking about the subject, this incredible warmth swells up in your heart. Its almost like falling in love.
For me.. no matter how much time is needed on a project, or where my boss sends me. I think I would I would go willingly.. Cos I know at the end of the day I am learning more and more on how to be a great events organiser.
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My stay at the Makati Shangri-la. My reaction when I entered the room was of amazement and wonder. Then next came the feeling of something or rather someone missing. Such a lovely room, I would absolutely love it if I can share the luxury with someone. Instead I had to indulge in it alone. But nevertheless, did a test, I can do like 2 and a half turns on the king size bed. *evil luffs*
The bed is just absolutely heaven. Out of my window, I can see the city square of Makati. Didn’t get the chance to head out to look around throughly. Only a sneak peek, when I stomach was growling like mad, so went out to buy a snack after I arrived in Manila.
shall update more the next time and post up more picts. Now I just want to relax and listen to the music…
Cheers~
