Just a Dream – Nelly

后来

why would we hurt the ones we say we treasure the most..

Irony

The irony of the situation is that… as a result of wanting to avoid being hurt of feeling the pain, i’m on a constant look out for things or events which will cause me that exact thing.

which makes me question… so what is the point?

i can’t seem to forgive.. no matter what i tell myself.. when i can’t forgive i can’t forget, i can’t move on…
so where does this leaves me?

there are certain situations in the world where u tell yourself.. you will never be able to make sense out of it.

and yet…

impossible

made the decision..

i’m sure everyone will disagree with my decision. maybe it is still not time to give up. and i need that probably slap to wake up if it ever comes.

they said that after some time you feel numb… i beg to differ…

though the numbness the pain seems even more vivid..

i want to move on. but i do not have the strength. i feel as though everything is being sucked out of me..

blow after blow after blow.. i do not how much longer i can hold on..

i am human.. i just want to feel loved, respected, treasured by my other half.. why does this feel like such an impossible task?

Going in circles

left yu Liang cos I felt that he does not treasure me or even love me enough. The night we ended our relationship. I understood that he did, on hindsight.

I listened to him cry, and cried. That I felt no strength to carry on with something that was probably not mine.

Relationships are at times one of the hardest thing for anyone to understand. We look at a couPle very much in love and we admire them, but we do not know the downs that they face.
I used to think that I am happy. But maybe all I was living in was a lie. But because it was a lie, a make believe, it made me happier.

I use tO think that I am great at reading ppl. But I Jo longer think so. After all.. How can I be, when I could not even detect that all these was a lie.

My emotions are like this weird sense of calm. Which is driving me ballistic.

Crazy. Madness. Insanity. What’s the point?

When we live in a world where we want to believe in things which we should believe in. Choosing to ignore signs, reason and logic.

Someone please wake me up from this horrible nightmare. That which just seems to get worst as the dreams grow longer.

Protected: can someone make all these stop

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Protected: unexpected things

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lonely valentine

though expected. but just simply disappointed.

was never the sort to enjoy celebrating valentine day. too much commercialism and all. but just the fact that i can’t even just enjoy a simple dinner with you is quite a downer. ya ya ya~ work work work~

once again, i lament. once again, i wish. once again, i say.. i don’t need all the riches in the world, just a stable life, a steady companion by my side.

yesh. though i brought work home and i am in fact working now, it just feels sucky not even being able to enjoy a dinner.

all for a talk. URGHZ. getting sick with just the mere mention of the name.

Please Don’t Leave Me – Pink

Da da da da, da da da da
Da da da da-da da

I don’t know if I can yell any louder
How many time I’ve kicked you outta here?
Or said something insulting?
Da da da da-da
I can be so mean when I wanna be
I am capable of really anything
I can cut you into pieces
But my heart is… broken

Da da da-da da
Please don’t leave me
Please don’t leave me
I always say how I don’t need you
But it’s always gonna come right back to this
Please, don’t leave me

How did I become so obnoxious?
What is it with you that makes me act like this?
I’ve never been this nasty
Can’t you tell that this is all just a contest?
The one that wins will be the one that hits the hardest
But baby I don’t mean it
I mean it, I promise

Da da da-da da
Please don’t leave me
Da da da-da da
Please don’t leave me
Da da da-da da
I always say how I don’t need you
But it’s always gonna come right back to this
Please, don’t leave me

I forgot to say out loud how beautiful you really are to me
I can’t be without, you’re my perfect little punching bag
And I need you, I’m sorry.

Da da da da, da da da da
Da da da da-da da
Please, please don’t leave me

Baby please don’t leave me
No, don’t leave me
Please don’t leave me no no no
You say I don’t need you but it’s always gonna come right back,
It’s gonna come right back to this.
Please, don’t leave me.
No.
No, don’t leave me
Please don’t leave me, oh no no no.
I always say how I don’t need you
But it’s always gonna come right back to this

Please don’t leave me
Please don’t leave me

similar… ah hah. i am begining to listen to songs with dada and nana..
i strike out to defend.
you asked me why i don’t express my love more..
i say.. i don’t know how.
truth is. i’m scared that if i express it too much. you will just get tired.
so i should retain my mysteriousness..

when i feel worried, i feel hurt, insecure.. i lash out. i get angry, i show you endless attitude. i give you the cold shoulder.
but actually all i want you to know is that i just want to feel more loved, more wanted.
to be hug, coddled, to feel love.. but i don’t know how to put it. and i don’t like the feeling of being helpless..
maybe i will learn over time.. how to express myself better.
well.. the most i can say for now is i am just learning how to..

I Stay In Love – Mariah Carey

Why do I stay
Why do I stay in love?
Oh baby
Baby I stay in love with you

Dying inside ’cause I can’t stand it
Make or break up can’t take this madness
We don’t even really know why
All I know is baby I try and try so hard to keep our love alive

If you don’t know me at this point
Then I highly doubt you ever will
I really need you to give me
That unconditional love I used to feel
It’s no mistaking we’re just erasing from our hearts and minds

And I know we said let go but I kept on hanging on
Inside I know it’s over you’re really gone
It’s killing me ’cause there ain’t nothing that I can do
Baby I stay in love with you

And I keep on telling myself that you’ll come back around
And I try to front like “Oh well” each time you let me down
See I can’t get over you now no matter what I do
But baby baby I stay in love with you

Na na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na na
Baby I stay in love with you

It cuts so deep it hurts down to my soul
My friends tell me I ain’t the same no more
We still need each other when we stumble and fall
How we gon’ act like what we had ain’t nothing at all now

Hey what I wanna do is ride shotgun next to you
With the top down like we used to hit the block proud in the SUV
We both know our heart is breaking
Can we learn from our mistakes?
I can’t last one moment alone now go I know

We said let go but I kept on hanging on
Inside I know it’s over you’re really gone
It’s killing me ’cause there ain’t nothing that I can do
Baby I stay in love with you

And I keep on telling myself that you’ll come back around
And I try to front like “Oh well” each time you let me down
See I can’t get over you now no matter what I do
But baby baby I stay in love with you

We said let go but I kept on hanging on
Inside I know it’s over you’re really gone
It’s killing me ’cause there ain’t nothing that I can do
Baby I stay in love with you

And I keep on telling myself that you’ll come back around
And I try to front like “Oh well” each time you let me down
See I can’t get over you now no matter what I do
But baby baby I stay in love with you

Na na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na na
Na na na na
I stay in love with you

just found this song online. somehow it just resonates..
not truely in context, but at times it feels like that.
i keep trying, but somehow i can’t seem to get past myself. and yet i can’t let go.
its really torturing, but at times when all is good, it feels really good..
i told you i don’t know how long i can last.. and its really true.
lets hope our love will be strong enough to get us past all this..